You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
