I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize