no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
