remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
