So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
