ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
