i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
