AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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