well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
