he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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