Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
