when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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