i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
