I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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