It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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