my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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