That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
