Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
