I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
