last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
