What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We are two peas in an std pod
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize