I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
