and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
