i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
