I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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