I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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