Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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