Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize