YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
