i need an iv and a liver transplant
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
