My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
