if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
