This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
