He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
