I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
