Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
