Apparently you make a good broom.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
