Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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