He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
