Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
