did you get engaged???
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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