I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
