after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
