cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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