the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
