Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
