Where did you get a picture of my penis
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
