dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize