We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
