Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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