Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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