I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
