The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
