Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize