You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
