his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
