Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
