I heard we made out
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
