Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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