When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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