im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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