So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
