just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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