The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
