I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
