the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
