I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
