Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
