I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
