I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I touched a dick in church today
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
