Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize