Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
