that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
