I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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