Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
