This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
