True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
as a side note pls kill me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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