I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
