Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize