you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
