She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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