I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wanna go halves on a baby?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
